Excruciating pain. Loneliness. Anxiety. Depression. Neverending. These words describe the feelings and experiences of individuals living with chronic pain. Chronic pain drains you not only physically, but emotionally and sometimes spiritually as well. Your pain may feel like a death sentence with no release in sight.
Those living with Chronic Pain will repeatedly ask themselves questions like:
- “Would I have this pain if I had done (fill in the blank) differently?”
- “How would my life be different right not if I did not have this pain?”
- “Why did this happen to me?”
- “Should I be doing something different to try and address this pain?”
Chronic pain sufferers can become entrenched in a cycle of endless “what” and “why” questions that make it difficult to focus on anything else. Living in a constant state of questioning one’s choices, the pain and even the reason for experiencing pain is exhausting and mostly unhelpful. Repeating this cycle of questioning leaves us feeling depressed and “emotionally stuck.” Our life narrative becomes focused on our pain and the unanswered questions surrounding it when we could be transforming our narrative into a story of strength and hope.
In order to move forward, chronic pain clients must allow themselves to ask questions like the ones listed above, even as they learn to accept that some questions may never have answers. Once the questioning phase is completed, clients can begin to explore what they can now do to make their quality of life better while learning to accept that they cannot completely control their circumstances.
Here are some tips to help you move forward in your narrative:
- Write down all the scenarios you think may have prevented you from having chronic pain. For example: picking a different doctor, not going skiing, not making a right-handed turn, etc.
- Once you have written down all of these scenarios destroy them–shred them, burn them, tear them up, do whatever you need to do to get closure.
- Accept the fact that your life is different than what it was before. And while your life right now may not be what you envisioned, believe that it will continue to have meaning as well moments of joy as you learn new ways to make the most of every day and live your best life now.
If you are interested in joining one of our chronic pain support groups, please email me at lucy@blueskyfamilycounseling.com.
